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Let’s Talk Love, Sex and Promiscuity

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In August 2012, I gave a talk at Philorum about non-exclusivity in relationships and the appeals of an alternative to our conventional monogamous relationship model.

The audio, video and script are available here:
Videobit.ly/NodYTG
Audiobit.ly/Rvh8JN
Script: bit.ly/Nodn4p
(This is the complete script. Some parts were omitted during my talk due to time limitations)

 

Abstract:

Unraveling Exclusivity: New Ideals for Healthier Relationships (Part 1)
We can love someone, be attracted to others, fall in love with another, and lust after quite a few people. All at once. Yet monogamy is the flavour of the day. Should it surprise us if we seem to have a lot of trouble finding congruence in our relationship contract and our natural desires? I delve into monogamy’s central issue of exclusivity, explore what makes monogamy attractive, what’s so threatening when monogamists consider non-exclusive love, and propose why being poly better serves healthy flourishing individuals and relationships. Contrasting monogamous and alternative ideals, I illustrate an alternative way to relate in love, lust and friendship and propose what I think should fundamentally underscore relationships that better serve ourselves and each other.

My invitation to everyone was to share an evening of exploring new boundaries and question the conventional rules we play by in relationships… and hoped perhaps to entice them to dip their toes (or get very wet) in the exciting, enriching world of poly relationships.

The discussions that ensued were pretty interesting. Some of the things that came up were:

  • raising children in non-monogamous relationships
  • the difference in how relationships are approached in the gay world vs straight world
  • that we lack living stories for those wishing to engage in poly relationships to model their relationships and lives upon
  • handling jealousy
  • whether poly relationships can provide the depth and closeness that we understand brings us fulfillment
  • whether seeking the security of a monogamous relationship is a good thing
  • whether the desire to have monogamous relationships is a product of mainly cultural or biological factors
  • that poly relationships don’t provide the stability that people seek in monogamy
  • that poly relationships would be unfair or disadvantageous to women

Some discussion also continued on Facebook after the event. View the comments beneath my facebook note.

I’ll explore these threads further in future writings and talks. I’d also like to produce collection of stories from the poly community giving insight into life in the poly lane — all its joys and woes, beauty and pains, its delicate intricacies as well as brutally confronting aspects.

Feel free to drop me a line if any of this strikes a chord of interest. I would love it if you would be open to sharing your story. And if you would just like to chat about poly relationships and how or why they do or don’t work for you, I’d welcome that too.

 


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